


Sirius Black and his stars

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: As time passed Sirius found himself needing it, needing Moony to see his stars, not the way Moony looked to them on his own, but the way Sirius saw them
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38
Collections: anonymous





	Sirius Black and his stars

Sirius had spent his childhood looking up at the night sky to catch a glimpse of the few stars sparkling through the smog of London. He would pull his younger brother out of bed in the middle of the night to sneak out to the balcony and search of their namesakes. He became quite the expert at spotting his own star shining through on clearer nights and often times claiming he’d found Regulus just to see his brother smile. 

Those were the good days though, when the days were rough and his parents been particularly cruel to the young boy, he’d find himself climbing to the roof alone. Where the search for his namesake would take on another meaning. Sirius would search diligently for his star and once he found it he’d whisper his sorrows into it as if the star could pull them from his body.  
‘The brightest star is the sky, why did they name me that if they hate me so much?’ He would ask the tiny light shining above the others.

It wasn’t until he’d come to Hogwarts that he discovered just how little of the nights sky he’d seen. Hogwarts’ grounds were vast and open, the isolation of the grounds made the sky free from most light pollution. Offering the viewer countless stars to gaze upon without needing to venture to the astronomy tower. On Sirius’ first night at Hogwarts, while his classmates stared in awe at the castle, he found his eyes drifting to the stars above in wonder.

Sirius had never been fond of rules and regulations, he fought diligently against his parents need for order as long as he could remember causing rifts between them. However it was then on his first night at Hogwarts that the biggest rift was created, he’d stared transfixed at the bewitched ceiling glittering stars above him as if he were still outside when his name was called and his life was forever altered.  
A Gryffindor heart meant many things, with it came friendship he had never imagined, but there also came a silence. No letters arrived from home, nothing. He had felt himself overwhelmed about the possibilities of the words that surely would arrive and so he’d found himself staring out the dorm window late at night, looking up at his star. He’d beg the star for words that didn’t hurt, though he knew enough to expect no different. 

It was November 3rd when the letter came. Twelve year old nativity had filled him was hope at this, he told himself a birthday letter surely would carry no harm. He’d been wrong. Hatred had burned through the words, an expression of shame to call him their son. It was later that night with the letter clutched in his hands that he’d first snuck out alone, leaving behind his new found friends as he wandered quietly to the open grounds. 

The stars above him glittered and shined seemly unawares of his plight. It was this night that he found himself screaming to his star. Always he had whispered to it, filled with hope that the star would make things better, fix things somehow. That night he’d screamed in rage all the hatred written in the letter until he found himself exhausted of the anger. Once depleted he’d asked the star again why they’d chosen such a name for him, he hadn’t felt the brightest in the sky, he’d felt dimmer than the smog covered London skies.

It was after that night that he’d begun to sneak out more frequently to look at the stars. Joined more often than not by two of his new found friends. He’d lost many house points that night and had been awarded multiple nights of detention, but it was also this night that his friend James had made known to him a special cloak. With which three friends could easily sneak out to see the stars, and room enough for a fourth who never seemed to join this venture.  
It was the fourth that made his head reel, Remus Lupin. At first he’d assumed the quiet boy was afraid to get into trouble, this turned out wildly untrue. All other adventure Remus seemed to easily partake in, but this, gazing at the stars, seemed to disinterest the boy. 

It wasn’t long into his second year at Hogwarts that Sirius discovered why. That night with the full moon shining, he’d gone out alone. Sirius had largely ignored the moon—pretty though he’d found it—the stars were what captured him most. That night he yelled once more at the sky, only this time it was the large glowing orb that faced his wraith.

His relationship with the stars had continued unaltered from then on, however his relationship with the moon had severely changed. He’d come out though for the stars and he’d shared those stars with everyone who matter to him except one. As time passed he found himself needing it, needing a newly dubbed Moony to see his stars, not the way Moony looked to them on his own, but the way Sirius saw them.

His fifth year had changed so many things though. It was his fifth year that he’d first denied himself the nights sky. It’d been a comfort for as long as he could remember, and for what he had done he’d deserved no comfort. The year proved a whirlwind of emotions as he’d gone from nearly losing his friends, to creating a more powerful bond with them. Becoming Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs to help Moony. Moony brought him the most change that year, as he was sure he’d lost him and with that feeling brought a new feeling, well maybe it had always been there but nearly losing him had unlocked it. Sirius Black was in love. It was love that gave him back the stars.

As lame as he’d felt it’d been, he’d wished to the stars. Wished desperately for Remus to forgive him, and from the stars his wish had been granted or so he’d told himself. Though Sirius was sure there was some cosmic give and take system, as with the end of his fifth year came the need for the stars to take what they were owed.

His family had never been one for the story books. Love had never been a predominate feature in the Black household, obligation took centre stage instead. Obligations he never seemed able to uphold, not that he particularly tried since he’d sullied the ‘good’ name of Black by being a filthy Gryffindor. Sirius couldn’t be sure he’d ever called what his parents did to him abuse. Mrs. Potter had though, loudly and in a tone that caused him to flinch, unsure if he was about to be struck.

So the stars took his family, but left him with more. A new beginning, a new family.. or perhaps an old one he’d never been able to see over the smog of the London sky. They also gave back to him Remus’ trust, though tentative and not without change.

The change he wanted though intermingled with his need to share with Remus the stars he loved, forming a plan in his mind. He’d waited so long, so patiently to share them with Remus and now he’d waited long enough that he’d wanted not to share just the stars but a part of himself with him. 

Now he sits with the new moon leaving the sky alone to the stars. Remus by his side, agreeing finally to accompany him. Maybe this time he’d agreed because of the changes last year had brought, or maybe it was Sirius’ reminder of the new moon. Either way he had Moony with him and he wasn’t going to mess this up, or at least he hopes he isn’t.  
“Sirius?” Remus is looking at him with his features scrunched up in a confused way. 

It’s all he can do to respond to his with a barely audible “Hmm” as he watches the stars reflect in Remus’ eyes.

“It’s just, you’ve been quiet for a really long time” Remus states as he looks down to pick at the grass around where they sit. It’s a nervous gesture Sirius has grown used to watching, though he can’t quite figure out why Remus would be nervous now. Maybe he’d sat quietly for far too long, bringing Remus to fear the worst as he’s prone to doing.

“I was just thinking about the stars”

“What about them?” Remus asks as his eyes glace up to stare at the infinite amount above them. Sirius can tell by the look on Remus’ face that he’s not looking at them right. It’s hard to say that one isn’t looking at something right, but he knows Remus. The look is one the boy plays often, it’s a quiet stillness but lined discreetly with a deep sadness.

“What do you see Moons?”

“I don’t know, bits of gas and light that have likely been dead for far longer than we’ve been alive” Remus groans as he answers his question.

“No Remus, look” Sirius says while pulling Remus down to lay with him on the grass. “See that one, That’s me” He says as he points to his star.

“I know where Sirius is, I’ve taken astronomy too Pads”

“And still your not seeing it right” He says as he shifts a bit closer to Remus until their sides align and he can feel the warmth of Remus’ body against his. “I tell my star everything you know? Every feeling, every thought.. I like the idea that it’s out there holding all of my secrets, I like the idea that no matter where I am I can always find my star and tell it what I’m thinking”

“Hmm, So what does this have to do with me. Why were you so insistent I come to look at them with you?” Remus asks though he can see the serene smile take shape on Remus’ face as his eyes transfix onto Sirius the star.

“I wanted you to see how beautiful they are” He tells Remus.

“I know how..”

“No you don’t.” Sirius interrupts, because he has something he wants to say and he know that where Remus may look at the stars he never truly sees them, the moon blinding his vision. He turns his body to face Remus’, knowing he needs to look at Remus for what he’s about to say, needs to show him the honesty in his eyes. “You don’t see how beautiful they are, just like you don’t see how beautiful you are. You let the moon corrupt your vision of both”

“Padfoot I..” Remus trails off as his body turns and they make eye contact. Perhaps Remus can see the truth written on his face, but Sirius doubts Remus will believe it even when faced with it.

“I love the stars Remus, and I’ve wanted for so long to watch them with you but to tell the truth I don’t want to look at them right now. I want to look at you”

“Why would you?” Remus asks with a hint of self deprecating laughter. “I’ve nothing on the galaxy Sirius”

“Thing is Remus, I came here to tell my star that I loved you, but I think I’d much rather say it to you” He tells Remus, while desperately trying to keep his face straight. It’s not that he’s afraid to play emotions or be vulnerable right now. It’s that he’s terrified Remus will think any hint of a nervous reaction means he’s playing a joke on him, that Remus will crush his heart by not believing his confession.

“Then tell me” Remus voice comes in so slight of a whisper that had they not been inches from each other the breeze would have carried it away.

“I love you Remus” He finishes saying just in time as he feels lips crash into his, maybe a bit clumsily but it doesn’t matter. His lips respond to the kiss far quicker than his brain even registers that it’s happening, arms moving instinctively to pull Remus somehow closer to him.

Remus pulls away from their kiss first, panting for breath. Though it proves that perhaps Sirius is more vulnerable right now than he’d expected as his heart plummets into his stomach at the sound of Remus’ laughter bubbling out. Though Remus’ words quickly return it to it’s rightful place.  
“I love you too Sirius, even though I don’t get your obsession with the stars”

“You will” Is all he says as he places his arm under Remus’ head and they lay back down to watch the night sky.

The night is spent just like that, together watching the stars—Or watching Remus watch the stars—and stolen kisses. Until watching the stars turns into watching the sunrise. Sirius had never given much thought to sunrises before, but now he decides this is the best one he’s ever seen.

**Author's Note:**

> basically I just wanted to try the anonymous thing to see how it works, so I wrote a little something to test it out! also definitely forgot a summary. Hope you enjoy!


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